Are You Experiencing an Anniversary Reaction?
Are You Experiencing an Anniversary Reaction?
The Heart’s Way, Imagery and Insights
When we think of holidays, or special occasions, we normally think of family, friends, love, joy, fun, etc. For some of us, unfortunately, it is not that way. Holidays or special occasions may bring about feelings of sadness, anxiety, or grief. These feelings may be due to experiencing losses in one’s life. Holidays or special occasions may be reminders of those losses. Are you experiencing an anniversary reaction?
The purpose of this post is to explore the topic of anniversary reactions and ways to effectively deal with them.
What are anniversary reactions?
Simply stated, anniversary reactions are difficult or upsetting thoughts or feelings on or about the time of an anniversary. That anniversary reminds us of someone we may have lost, or some unpleasant situation or circumstance experienced in our lives. This could be the death of a loved one, a tragic or traumatic event, or a major change or loss.
Although not pleasant, it’s important to know and understand that anniversary reactions are normal responses to trauma.
When we experience such losses or traumas in our lives, they naturally bring about feelings of grief or sadness, fear or anxiety, heartbreak or uncertainty. Every person’s experience is unique. For some the feelings may be long-lasting. For others the feelings may be occasional, such as “grief bursts.”
“A grief burst is a burst of sadness and sorrow which may be triggered by a variety of things (a song, a picture, seeing someone doing an activity you did with your loved one, a memory, etc.).”
Midland Care
It’s natural for us to have memories of certain people or situations during our lives. These memories may elicit unpleasant feelings. And when this happens we may experience anniversary reactions.
Anniversary reactions can occur at any time. Sometimes they are quite unpredictable. They may arise on or about the anniversary of a trauma you or a loved one experienced, such as the anniversary of a surgery, an accident, a death, a divorce or break-up. You may experience these feelings with special days remembered, such as birthdays or wedding anniversaries. Other times anniversary reactions are felt during the holidays or during certain seasons of the year.
What do anniversary reactions feel like?
In general, anniversary reactions can be experienced as a feeling of unease, as if something is just not right. Some people may feel sad or depressed. Others may feel anxious. Each experience is unique.
Anniversary reactions are sometimes experienced prior to the actual anniversary, such as weeks leading up to the actual anniversary date. Sometimes the feelings are more noticeable at the time of the actual anniversary. And sometimes the reaction occurs shortly after the date of the anniversary. The experience felt may be acute or piercing…or more vague and generally unsettling.
What is important to remember is that anniversary reactions are normal and temporary.
How do we handle anniversary reactions?
How do we deal with these thoughts and feelings? Anniversary reactions may be easier to handle if you can name them and understand why you are experiencing them.
From there, it may be helpful to consider ways to deal with these feelings in a positive and proactive way.
For example, if you are experiencing an anniversary reaction at Christmas-time due to the death of a loved one, it may helpful to find some way to commemorate or symbolically honor that person’s memory.
I have known families that light a special candle during holidays in memory of loved ones. Finding ways to honor someone’s memory can be done in many ways. It’s just important that whatever you choose to do feels right and good to you.
If you experience anniversary reactions related to personal traumatic events, you may find it helpful to talk to someone who is wise and supportive. You may want to explore ways to reaffirm that you have survived this experience. In these cases, self care is also very important. Get good rest. Exercise. Nourish your body with healthy food. Remember to stay hydrated. Create positive distractions if the anniversary is too traumatic.
For anyone who may be having a particularly difficult time dealing with the thoughts and feelings precipitated by, or related to, an anniversary reaction, it is important to seek professional guidance and support.
If you experience anniversary reactions regularly, it may be helpful to put a plan into place, to prepare in anticipation of possible reactions.
For example, you may want to commemorate a loved one by establishing a new tradition in the family, such as having a family get-together in their memory or making a contribution to a favorite charity. You may want to consider having a dedicated place of memory, such as a memory garden.
In conclusion…
Here’s a chart to help summarize the main points in this post:
This chart is also available for downloading, saving, printing, and sharing. To get your copy, please click on this link: COPING WITH ANNIVERSARY REACTIONS.
There are many ways to deal with anniversary reactions. Recognizing and taking steps to deal with them is a way you can be kind to yourself and to help yourself heal.
This post has been revised and updated from a previous post (2015). It contains links to additional resources (highlighted in blue above.)