Post-Retirement Life Crisis

Have you ever experienced a post-retirement life crisis? I think I am in the midst of one as I write. I never experienced a major teenage rebellion, nor a mid-life crisis. So, when this current crisis of mine engulfed me, I didn’t know what hit me. I had no previous frame of reference, no real anticipatory anxiety (I basically have that most of the time!). Bam! It hit and I’m just now really beginning to process it and learn a few things about myself along the way.

So, if you have experienced a post-retirement life crisis and are through it, congratulations! I’m finding that it’s hard work to get to the other side of this thing. If you are now experiencing a post-retirement life crisis (or something similar) then this may be a very relevant read. And if you are coming up on retirement or post-retirement, maybe these words can help you prepare for what may be around the corner.

A Baseball Metaphor

I didn’t fully realize until the past few months that I was even in a life crisis. Frankly, I thought I had been relegated to sitting on the bench, playing life out from the sidelines. It took a trip to the beach to realize that I am still part of life’s line-up. I might not be an MVP, but I most certainly still have a purpose and a role to play in life.

Some History

Everyone has an experience, a story that could be told, especially during these past two years. Just living in this world of ours in the last two years accounts for many of the curveball-type experiences we’ve had. Life is so different now, as opposed to then. And as a result, we’ve all been impacted, and have reacted, in one way or another. My default reaction has been to pull up my defenses and hunker down while the siege goes on about me. It was when I retired from a professional counseling career in 2019 that things seemed to begin spiraling downward at a more rapid pace. Let me give you the back-story.

I think that I actually began slowly withdrawing into myself long before Covid-19 reared its ugly head. Other significant factors (curveballs) play a part as well. Grief, with the loss of family and friends, has left me in the position of now being in the “senior” circle among peers and relatives. Chronic pain has turned from something that is just a “bother” to something that impacts most every part of my days and nights. Activities that I wouldn’t even think twice about doing are now the kinds of things that have me wondering if I can find a way to participate. And now finding purpose after (and in) retirement has been a huge question as well. True confession: not feeling a true purpose has made writing and blogging very difficult for me.

One or two curveballs, even major ones, I thought I could handle. But multiple curveballs? Well, I’ve just recently realized how these can take one “out of the game,” without even knowing it. These events (also known as “small-t traumas”) can add up and do their damage over time. This, my friends, is what I feel has led up to my post-retirement life crisis.

A Beach Vacation

My husband and I decided to take a vacation this spring. This was our first “big” trip in two years. We were blessed to be able to plan a three-week vacation to see friends and family and also to relax in North Myrtle Beach, SC. The weather was lovely, mostly sunny and sometimes chilly.

Even with the cooler than normal temperatures at the beach, I was able to spend significant periods of time outdoors, sitting under a cabana on an expansive patio of sorts, gazing out onto the beach and the Atlantic Ocean. I would get all cozy under the cabana, reading a book, chatting with my husband, or crocheting.

Being Outdoors

Staring out onto the ocean, listening to the never-ceasing sound of the water, feeling the breeze on my skin. Slowly, and almost imperceptibly my nervous system began to relax, to unwind, to decompress. My body calmed down, my emotions became more expansive, and I began to feel closer to God once again.

I was able to sit still and be quiet with myself and with God. I began processing all of those things that had been bound up tight inside of me for a very long time. Sometimes I cried and sometimes I smiled. Those little-t traumas that I mentioned earlier became more manageable for me to ponder. I began to open myself up to those thoughts and feelings that I had so fiercely defended myself against in the past. As a result, I found myself more open to new and different possibilities. No longer did I feel I had to cling to my grief and my pain and to succumb to my physical limitations without even trying to find alternatives.

The Power of Reminiscing

My professional social work career started in Lumberton, when I was a young adult. I lived and worked in this (then) rural area for 23 years. Lumberton became the place that I learned what it was to nurture and be nurtured by friends. This was the place where my social work roots were planted and where my love of the Lord grew through my church family. It was home. In many respects, I still feel that it is my home.

My friends and I caught up with each other’s lives and remembered people and experiences from the past. I felt such an emotional connection with my friends, who represent different facets of my past. One friend was part of a friend-group with one of the dearest friends I’ve ever known, who is now deceased. This wonderful friend, who is now passed away, showed both of us what it was to authentically nurture a friendship.

My other good friend I was able to visit with was my mentor, my friend, my encourager, and my boss’s boss. She taught me how to be fair and ethical, compassionate, hard-working and strong as a professional. She inspired me to write with purpose and to speak with confidence. And, as I learned from this visit, she also had a bit of motherly protectiveness towards me too.

Both of these women reminded me of the good inside of me. After the visit I felt more like myself than I had in a long time.

The Healing Process Continues

Fast forward to present day. I’m back home and the healing process has continued. I’ve been utilizing the insights gleaned from my vacation to really ponder the question of finding purpose in my life, post-retirement.

As a person of faith, I feel so blessed to know that I can seek God for His wisdom. Upon my return home, I began to pray more earnestly for guidance to know my purpose, God’s will for me, in this chapter of my life. I understand that, because I am now older, this chapter is an important one. There may not be many more chapters left, so I need to pay particular attention to this one.

Reconnecting With Purpose

Through prayer, reflection, and reading I am beginning to really understand that my purpose in life has been to be an encourager. This purpose has been fairly consistent in my life, especially in my professional career as a social worker.

For 38 years I worked in the mental health field, trying to help others to help themselves. Encouraging people of all ages who have struggled with all types of mental and emotional difficulties. About five or six years before my retirement, God put it on my heart to begin blogging as well. I began to blog, but then had to discontinue my writing due to the stresses in my own personal and professional life.

Purpose, Refreshed

Now, here I am, two years after retirement and struggling with the question of whether or not blogging is still God’s purpose for me. Hence, the post-retirement life crisis!

He still wants me to write well. But frankly, blogging is not the same as having a mental health clinical practice. For 38 years I learned how to encourage others, face-to-face, one client at a time. I became confident in my purpose and, I hope, I helped people along the way. I knew what I was doing, and I felt competent in my field. But blogging? That’s another story.

With blogging there is no face-to-face contact with clients. Sometimes there will be feedback from readers. You’re not even sure how many people are reading your content. One can only hope that the blog content is helping others. So, much of it relies on faith.

Purpose and Faith

I’ve learned that God wants me to continue to encourage others, just in a different way. In a way unfamiliar. In a way that I don’t feel as confident as before. But in a way that requires faith. God has shown me that if I reach out and do my best, there is an opportunity to help so many more people than I was ever able to before. A new mission. The same basic purpose, encourage others. Just a new way to do it.

For now, I will have faith and try to continue to listen for God’s voice, leading me down the path to do His will.

Additional Resources

There are three books that have helped me along this journey towards healing my post-retirement life crisis that I’d like to suggest. To learn more, I’ll link the titles to Amazon, where you can find a synopsis and reviews:

• Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones by James Clear
• The Prayer of Jabez by Bruce Wilkinson
• The Road Back to You: An Enneagram Journey to Self-Discovery by Ian Morgan Cron and Suzanne Stabile